Choice Not Chance

So I've been a little busy lately and honestly haven't had much exciting to write about. Which kind of worries me, I feel like I haven't even thought a funny thought in awhile. Which points to the few things actually going on in my life other than basketball and the fact that I feel like everything I could do to get out of Ottawa or even do in Ottawa requires money, something I am having to be very frugal with.

Anyways, I pass my free time reading, watching football, and I'm really not sure what else. Remember how I tweeted Joanne P. McCallie a few weeks ago about her book Choice Not Chance well I finished it a bit ago and just haven't had the opportunity to write about it.

I just want to say/remind myself that I don't write these blog posts solely for reader entertainment (even though I am kind of obsessed with and I am always looking to see how many page views I get) I write this for me. That's part of the reason why I rewrote this post at least six times. The fact that I blab on and half of it still isn't worded the way I want it to be is because I'm trying to learn. Learn what I value and learn what I care about. Writing is the easiest way for me to figure out my thoughts, to organize my brain, and to really think about what certain things mean to me. I would do this the old-fashioned way with pen and paper, but I'm a terribly slow writer and a super-fast typer. Plus, this has the added pleasure of getting some feedback from others on what I say and I don't have to have a filter.

Coach P's mantra: "Choice, not chance, determines destiny. Choose to become a champion in life."

Since I was little my parents always harped on choices, always. Not just making good choices but mainly choosing how you react to any given situation. You can't control the situation, but you can control how you react to it. If people had a sign board that follows them around with their life theme written on it, that would be my mom's. I don't know how many times I have heard that and rolled my eyes and grunted and found some excuse to say back to it. But you know what? The more I experience and the more that I  watch people try and figure out their own lives, my parents were right. So other than this book being by Joanne P. McCallie (Coach P), I was drawn to it because it was about how choices can dictate life's outcomes and I wanted to see how she models that with her teams. It was also nice to see someone with tremendous experience put into words what I have been thinking about, we have a lot of the same points of view. Some of this post is generated towards how I focus that issue towards a team, but also to behaviors in general...because there shouldn't be that much of a difference anyways.
The past month was great timing for me to read this book for numerous reasons. First, I've been talking with friends who are having issues in their lives on and off the court that have a lot to do with the choices they make & the choices that those around them make. Plus, the grad course I'm taking is about teaching philosophy. So while reading the book I am: taking a course on teaching philosophy, being throw head first into coaching, learning a ton from coaching a large group of people, reading about a coaching philosophy, listening to people going through issues that deal with choices, and trying to decipher my own philosophies.  That being said, my brain's a jumble and I'm trying to figure a lot of stuff out and I have been writing a lot of it down. Also, my average shower time has dramatically increased during the past month because I do my best thinking in the shower.

**Before I start, I would like to note that I am not good a cheesy/motivational things. Heck, I hate sports movies for that very reason. I also get all of my motivational quotes because I follow "Sports Quotes" on twitter and favorite the tweets that I think could come in handy later if I every need to get someone motivated...that said, the things I am writing about I am not saying out of this book pumping me up or just mimicking what Coach P says. What I say, I really mean and believe in.

I took four major points away from Coach P's book

1. Nobody likes a whiner
2. Don't be afraid to make mistakes
3. Surround yourself with good people
4. Little choices DO matter

Genius title.

Nobody Likes a Whiner. 

I am a pessimist, I think most people are as well. This is something that I have been working on, and for a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic. My sophomore year at Memphis I had an amazing assistant coach, Coach Danny, who was always so upbeat, she always had a smile, and she was just fun to be around. Her enthusiasm rubbed off on people and she made you want to work harder because of it. Not so coincidentally, she is now the new head coach at Kent State. She taught me the power of a positive attitude and a smile. I told our team before the first day of their classes this year, "Be on time, be attentive, and smile." This was followed by some nice eye rolls (even from myself) but the point of it is that a simple thing such as smiling just makes you feel better and it makes you look nicer. Positive thinking is sometimes a tough one to conquer. Sometimes, stuff just feels like it's in the crapper...but lately if I've been feeling a little down in the dumps,  I make myself say 5 positive things going on in my life. Sometimes they're just little reminders of why I am doing what I am doing and why I can't let negative thoughts ruin a good time. I will be the first to admit that it's cliche, but it's a little something I learned from the 4-year old in the following YouTube clip.

In her chapter on whiners, Coach P talks about how to deal with problems. This is something that I have been talking to a few friends about lately, being proactive. It's something that I think I've gotten much better at the last few years. If a problem comes up in your life, don't just whine about it, do something about it. We are in control of what we want and we have the power to change the outcome of it. I coached middle school girls who turned into high schoolers the past few summers. They're stubborn and think that if they keep doing the same thing a different result will come of it. I asked them at practice, "If a door is locked, do you keep trying to go through it?" They looked at me like I was dumb, so then I said, "Well then why do you think that if you keep making the same mistakes and getting mad about it that your result will change?" One girl looked at me sideways and said, "hey, that makes sense." Being proactive doesn't necessarily mean that you will always like the new result, but at least it can help you gain a new sense of clarity and understanding of the problem. On top of that, you confronted whatever issue you were having and didn't run away from it.

Don't Be Afraid To Make Mistakes

One reason I loved Choice Not Chance is because Coach P was not afraid to give examples of her being wrong. Her most life-changing moments came from her mistakes because she learned from them. I learned at a very early age the most important lesson I think anyone can learn: get over yourself. People are funny, the stuff we do, how we interact with one another...it's just funny. I have been lucky enough to be good at laughing at myself. It might be a weird attribute, but I value it because it means that I don't take myself too seriously. I have also always been challenged, either by my parents, coaches, or friends, to get outside of my comfort zone. Anyways, having the ability to let your ego go (ha!) is the first step in putting yourself in a situation where you do make a mistake because those are the situations you actually learn from. Each component in Coach P's Choice Not Chance philosophy stems from a situation where she tried something and learned from it. It's admirable to see someone who has the ability to put their ego aside and learn by trying something new, even if it means they could fail. 

Surround Yourself With Good People

Be with people you trust, who support you, who make you laugh, and who care about you and your goals. You know the old saying You are what you eat...well I believe you are who you surround yourself with. This subject calls for a Mean Girls reference, which is true for most situations in life. Cady hung around the Plastics and became one in the process. You model yourself based off of the people you hang out with. 

 

I've been a part of too many teams, coaching and playing, that have not reached their full potential because of the mindset of specific players. Typically, these players have a strong personality that lends to teammates mimicking their actions. If they're lazy, other people think it's okay to be lazy. If they're rude, other people think they're allowed to treat each other the same way. Quite frankly, this is the part of sports that ticks me off, talent trumps character 90% of the time. You hear coaches say, "sports can teach people life lessons" but you see players who get away with things and get special treatment because they're gifted athletically all the time. Obviously, a coach wants the best players they can get but is it worth sacrificing character? No. I like to surround myself with people who have a like-mindedness as me. I don't sacrifice this when it comes to friends so why should I in terms of a team? I hope that I can remember the experiences I have had as a player/friend that apply to this and have it carry over into my coaching. I know two very smart women and successful former-basketball coaches that have both told me on different occasions that you can't change someone. I'll be sure to take their advice because, well, I believe them. The fact that you can't change someone requires you to put your own ego aside because it forces you to face the fact that you don't always have that ability.  I can try to help lead someone in a direction, but it doesn't change the fact that it is their choices and actions that will show their true character. Coach P says, "every time you teach character it becomes contagious to the team" and alongside that, I feel that every time you don't teach character it becomes contagious. The more often that people are allowed to act in a way that sacrifices team goals and team values, the more contagious those actions become. The way a team acts and treats one another starts with the coach; that is, after all, the leadership role they have taken on. A coach needs to act out what they preach and act on what goes against what they preach.

Little Choices DO Matter

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Every choice we make not only impacts us, but it affects others as well. Goodness, have I seen this lately. People think that their choices only effect their day-to-day lives, but if you're on a team or a part of any group that cares about you, your actions will have an affect on them as well. I think bad choices come from two areas - laziness and ego. Lazy choices are simple, you don't go to class or study because you're lazy, don't clean your room because you're lazy, or don't do something you said you would do because you're lazy. Bad choices that stem from ego are usually lazy choices because their easy to make, they're self-serving. I think that a lot of people overlook little choices because they have the mindset that everything happens for a reason. I have never agreed with this way of thought because I feel like it takes away from the importance of my decisions and it takes out the element of control that I have in my life. Saying that something happens for a reason is a person's way of coping with it. I've just never acquired that mindset, I like to think of what I did right or wrong, that allowed for it to happen. "We are in charge, we are in control, and we have power to change our lives." - Coach P

Excuse me for writing a lot or contradicting myself at times, but like I said earlier, I'm trying to figure it all out too. Coach P's book gave me a lot to think about, but she must know what she's doing considering the fact that she is the first coach in Division I history to win a conference championship as well as the only coach in NCAA history to be named coach-of-the-year in four conferences. I do have a number of role models who are coaches so I see a lot of different ways to run a program, but this past week when I interviewed the Head Men's Basketball Coach at Ottawa (who has had a pretty good career himself) about teaching philosophy, I received the best advice I have received in a long time - be sincere and true to yourself. You can model those who are great, but you can't try to be them.