Fifty Shades of Twilight

I just returned from a trip to Georgetown. We moved out of our house, I said goodbye to Duke again, and I cried about 100 times. Since I just don't want to think about any of it right now I decided to write a blog. My trip blog will come in due time, just right now isn't necessarily the best time because my tears could possibly short out my computer and that wouldn't be fun either. I can't promise much on the quality of this blog, just chalk it up as a "case of the Monday's."

I love to read. I'll read just about anything, I'm not very picky at all as to what genre of book, I just love reading. Reading is simply amazing, it's an escape from reality and you get to subconsciously morph into another person and experience things that you may never have a chance to experience. I love the way books feel, and smell, and how the pages crinkle when you make a wave out of them. I have always wanted to own a used bookstore ever since The Bookshelf went up in the strip center next to Jiffy Mart when I was little. I sometimes walk in bookstores simply to touch the books. Weird hobby? Yes, but there are definitely stranger hobbies and more dangerous hobbies that I could have. Book touching is a law-abiding hobby. Plus, I don't even buy the books, I just like to check up on them and make sure they're doing okay. So, book touching is actually a very economical hobby as well.

I like to check out the books that are making a lot of noise in the press and just see what all of the hullabaloo is about. Sometimes, this practice takes the "simply amazing" out of my reading description, but you live and you learn...or you attempt the sequel and that sucks too. To explain, on the way from Dallas to KC I finished Fifty Shades Darker, the second book in the Fifty Shades series. I read the first book in July and decided that I might as well give the second one a try, I realized about a third of the way through that I would not make it to the final book due to one reason, annoyance. For those who don't know and have just been avoiding any daytime television show, the series follows the relationship of a recent college graduate, Anastasia Rose Steele, and her new boyfriend/business mogul/billionaire, Christian Grey. Very early on you learn that Christian likes to have submissives and just have a bunch of sex...hence the series being termed "mommy porn."

Mommy porn. So scandalous that Wal-Mart shrink wraps them...just like Playboy.

In my mind, Fifty Shades is simply a grown up Twilight book, that's why it was annoying. Ana is some poor little girl who hasn't experienced much of life and in swoops this mysterious, good-looking dude with a bunch of money and she turns to jello and can't manage breathe another breath without him being all moody around her. Ugh, I simply can't take it anymore. Christian and Edward (from Twilight) are practically the same exact character - moody, mysterious, good-looking, annoying. Seriously, if you take away the whole vampire thing that Edward has going on, you have a Christian. Also, Ana and Bella are the same too - shy, no backbone, depressing, annoying. I apparently enjoy making lists in my posts, so I am going to make another one.

How Fifty Shades and Twilight Are Identical

1. Christian and Edward were both adopted - sure Edward was turned into a vampire first, but the facts are the facts.
2. Christian and Edward can't be touched - since I haven't finished the whole series (or I just skimmed this part) I'm like 90% sure it was because Christian was beaten by his mom's pimp so he has an emotional issue with being physically touched in certain places. And Edward can't be touched because he is a vampire and will want to kill you if you get too close.
3. Anastasia and Isabella - both use their nicknames Ana and Bella. Coincidence? I think not.
4. Ana and Bella both have guy friends that are "exotic" - Ana has Jose. Bella has Taylor Lautner. Sure Bella's boy-on-the-side is a werewolf and therefore more exotic...but they're the same dude. Also, Jose takes creepy pictures of Ana without her knowledge...now that is a weird hobby (and probably not law-abiding).
5. Both couples can't "survive" without their significant other - When Edward runs away from Bella she goes crazy and has hallucinations. When Ana and Christian break up for an entire weekend, Ana sleeps with a deflated helicopter balloon. I'm really not sure who wins the battle of weird in that instance. My vote goes to Ana because it was for about 48 hours AND who sleeps with a deflated balloon?! She couldn't just like pin it up on the wall and get a Pillow Pet or something? Whatever, to each their own.
6. Eyeballs - Ana always talks about Christian's steel grey eyes and how hot they are. If Edward's eyes are black and not amber, it means that he wants to eat you. 
7. Weak women- I don't want to turn this into a post on feminism or anything, but I can't take anymore stories about women who just can't survive without dating or marrying or having sex with a guy. If I read another sentence along the lines of, "I don't know how I breathed before I met my moody boyfriend who is way too controlling, good-looking, perfect, and freaking annoying," I might go insane.

The last sentence just got me all worked up. In novels, I want to see more people who just do what they want to do because it's good for them, male or female. I watched Brave this summer and I thought that Merida was the perfect example of a badass, go on your own, do what you want, fight a bear, and make a deal with a witch type of character that we need to see more in books and movies and in the real world alike. Plus, Merida had some sweet hair. I really like red-headed people, they're unique, and most of the red-heads I've met are really nice; Conan O'Brien seems fun and I babysat a red-headed baby once and she was awesome. 

Merida

See, that's the type of take-no-crap attitude that we should be reading about. She's fighting against getting a suitor, not begging for one to turn her into a vampire or whatnot.

That is why I gave up reading the Fifty Shades series.